Non-negotiable epiphanies.....

Sometimes life’s epiphanies happen when you are busy learning about yourself.

For the past few months, I have immersed myself in the North Queensland Bulk Ports Corporation Women in Leadership program, facilitated by Regional Development Australia Greater Whitsundays.

Last week we leaned into vulnerability, authenticity and boundaries.
In the session I confirmed that my boundaries are less rock-solid and more of a squiggly line.

I have for most of my life been a people pleaser, along with that I have recently found out one of my strengths is adaptability, so boundaries are a constant work in progress for me.
As I sat there madly writing in my notebook all these wonderful anecdotes and statistics: “No is a complete sentence, our emotions are data; clear is kind and what we permit we promote.”
They weren’t just sinking into my mind; they were landing on my heart.
Then it hit me: “You are always negotiable Fallon, time to start being non-negotiable.”

Being able to pivot, feel comfortable in change, go with the flow, change direction, slow down, pick up the pace, stop what I am doing, don’t move forward, stay in your lane.

As I write this it feels exhausting, but I am more than happy to be negotiable with everyone in fact, it ironic has been the one thing I am always nonnegotiable on.
I can bend, stretch, shrink to fit what others needed and I have confused being kind with being endlessly available.
And it is because people are happier when you are constantly adapting to their wants and needs.

But then comes an epiphany and you realise I need to have be non-negotiable.
And then what the hell does that look like? I am still figuring this out. But acknowledging it is the first step.
And you know what made me feel uncomfortable. I have had to look inwards and listen.

Why do I think my needs and wants are negotiable?  I realized that I thought saying yes, made me valuable, but at times it was quietly erasing me.
Every time you put yourself last (and there will be time you have to) but if you do it constantly, it is teaching others that your needs don’t matter.
And at the end of the day that doesn’t empower you or those around you.

And while I joked that my boundaries are a squiggly line, I have started to adapt my thinking that boundaries are not walls but are a framework for my strengths.

And from there non- negotiable means choosing myself without apology.
Now the hard part is putting this into practice.